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Wednesday, September 8, 2010
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Etc.The President Without A CountryBy Pat Boone "We're no longer a Christian nation." - President barack obama, June 2009 "America has been arrogant." - President barack obama "After 9/11, America didn’t always live up to her ideals."- President barack obama "You might say that America is a Muslim nation." - President barack obama, Egypt 2009 Thinking about these and other statements made by the man who wears the title of president. I keep wondering what country he believes he’s president of. In one of my very favorite stories, Edward Everett Hale's "The Man without a Country," a young Army lieutenant named Philip Nolan stands condemned for treason during the Revolutionary War, having come under the influence of Aaron Burr. When the judge asks him if he wishes to say anything before sentence is passed, young Nolan defiantly exclaims, "Damn the United States ! I wish I might never hear of the United States again!" The stunned silence in the courtroom is palpable, pulsing. After a long pause, the judge soberly says to the angry lieutenant: "You have just pronounced your own sentence. You will never hear of the United States again. I sentence you to spend the rest of your life at sea, on one or another of this country's naval vessels - under strict orders that no one will ever speak to you again about the country you have just cursed." And so it was. Philip Nolan was taken away and spent the next 40 years at sea, never hearing anything but an occasional slip of the tongue about America. The last few pages of the story, recounting Nolan's dying hours in his small stateroom - now turned into a shrine to the country he fore swore - never fail to bring me to tears. And I find my own love for this dream, this miracle called America , refreshed and renewed. I know how blessed and unique we are. But reading and hearing the audacious, shocking statements of the man who was recently elected our president - a young black man living the impossible dream of millions of young Americans, past and present, black and white - I want to ask him, "Just what country do you think you're president of?" You surely can’t be referring to the United States of America, can you? America is emphatically a Christian nation, and has been from its inception! Seventy percent of her citizens identify themselves as Christian. The Declaration of Independence and our Constitution were framed, written and ratified by Christians. It’s because this was, and is, a nation built on and guided by Judeo-Christian biblical principles that you, sir, have had the inestimable privilege of being elected her president. You studied law at Harvard, didn't you, sir? You taught constitutional law in Chicago ? Did you not ever read the statement of John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and an author of the landmark "Federalist Papers": " Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers - and it is the duty, as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian nation - to select and prefer Christians for their rulers"? In your studies, you surely must have read the decision of the Supreme Court in 1892: "Our lives and our institutions must necessarily be based upon and embody the teachings of the Redeemer of mankind. It is impossible that it should be otherwise; and in this sense and to this extent our civilization and our institutions are emphatically Christian." Did your professors have you skip over all the high-court decisions right up till the mid 1900's that echoed and reinforced these views and intentions? Did you pick up the history of American jurisprudence only in 1947, when for the first time a phrase coined by Thomas Jefferson about a "wall of separation between church and state" was used to deny some specific religious expression - contrary to Jefferson’s intent with that statement? Or, wait a minute . were your ideas about America 's Christianity formed during the 20 years you were a member of the Trinity United Church of Christ under your pastor, Jeremiah Wright? Is that where you got the idea that " America is no longer a Christian nation"? Is this where you, even as you came to call yourself a Christian, formed the belief that " America has been arrogant"? Even if that's the understandable explanation of your damning of your country and accusing the whole nation (not just a few military officials trying their best to keep more Americans from being murdered by jihadists) of "not always living up to her ideals," how did you come up with the ridiculous, alarming notion that we might be "considered a Muslim nation"? Is it because there are some 2 million or more Muslims living here, trying to be good Americans? Out of a current population of over 300 million, 70 percent of whom are Christians? Does that make us, by any rational definition, a "Muslim nation"? Why are we not, then, a "Chinese nation"? A "Korean nation"? Even a "Vietnamese nation"? There are even more of these distinct groups in America than Muslims. And if the distinction you're trying to make is a religious one, why is America not "a Jewish nation"? There's actually a case to be made for the latter, because our Constitution - and the success of our Revolution and founding - owe a deep debt to our Jewish brothers. Have you stopped to think what an actual Muslim America would be like? Have you ever really spent much time in Iran ? Even in Egypt ? You, having been instructed in Islam as a kid at a Muslim school in Indonesia and saying you still love the call to evening prayers, can surely picture our nation founded on the Quran, not the Judeo-Christian Bible, and living under Shariah law. Can't you? You do recall Muhammad's directives [Surah 9:5,73] to "break the cross" and "kill the infidel"? It seems increasingly and painfully obvious that you are more influenced by your upbringing and questionable education than most suspected.. If you consider yourself the president of a people who are "no longer Christian," who have "failed to live up to our ideals," who "have been arrogant," and might even be "considered Muslim" - you are president of a country most Americans don't recognize. Could it be you are a president without a country? Abraham Lincoln Quotes
See more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/abraham_lincoln.html It used to read...
The bumper sticker used to read,
Now, thanks to Obama, it reads, Crabby Old ManWhen an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte , Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.
What do you see nurses? . . . .. . What do you see?
Who dribbles his food . . . . . And makes no reply.
Who, resisting or not . . . . . Lets you do as you will,
I'll tell you who I am. . . . . . As I sit here so still,
A young boy of Sixteen . . . . With wings on his feet.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . I have young of my own.
At Forty, my young sons . . . . . Have grown and are gone,
Dark days are upon me . . . . . My wife is now dead.
I'm now an old man . . . . . And nature is cruel.
But inside this old carcass . . . . . A young guy still dwells,
I think of the years, all too few . . . . . Gone too fast. Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. JEWS AND MUSLIMSDifferences between Jews and MuslimsThe Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000 ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population. They have received the following Nobel Prizes:
TOTAL: 7 SEVEN The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000 Only FOURTEEN MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population. They have received the following Nobel Prizes: 1927 - Henri Bergson 1958 - Boris Pasternak 1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon 1966 - Nelly Sachs 1976 - Saul Bellow 1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer 1981 - Elias Canetti 1987 - Joseph Brodsky 1991 - Nadine Gordimer World 1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser 1968 - Rene Cassin 1973 - Henry Kissinger 1978 - Menachem Begin 1986 - Elie Wiesel 1994 - Shimon Peres 1994 - Yitzhak Rabin 1906 - Henri Moissan 1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson 1908 - Gabriel Lippmann 1910 - Otto Wallach 1915 - Richard Willstaetter 1918 - Fritz Haber 1921 - Albert Einstein 1922 - Niels Bohr 1925 - James Franck 1925 - Gustav Hertz 1943 - Gustav Stern 1943 - George Charles de Hevesy 1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi 1952 - Felix Bloch 1954 - Max Born 1958 - Igor Tamm 1959 - Emilio Segre 1960 - Donald A. Glaser 1961 - Robert Hofstadter 1961 - Melvin Calvin 1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau 1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz 1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman 1965 - Julian Schwinger 1969 - Murray Gell-Mann 1971 - Dennis Gabor 1972 - William Howard Stein 1973 - Brian David Josephson 1975 - Benjamin Mottleson 1976 - Burton Richter 1977 - Ilya Prigogine 1978 - Arno Allan Penzias 1978 - P eter L Kapitza 1979 - Stephen Weinberg 1979 - Sheldon Glashow 1979 - Herbert Charles Brown 1980 - Paul Berg 1980 - Walter Gilbert 1981 - Roald Hoffmann 1982 - Aaron Klug 1985 - Albert A. Hauptman 1985 - Jerome Karle 1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach 1988 - Robert Huber 1988 - Leon Lederman 1988 - Melvin Schwartz 1988 - Jack Steinberger 1989 - Sidney Altman 1990 - Jerome Friedman 1992 - Rudolph Marcus 1995 - Martin Perl 2000 - Alan J. Heeger 1971 - Simon Kuznets 1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow 1975 - Leonid Kantorovich 1976 - Milton Friedman 1978 - Herbert A. Simon 1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein 1985 - Franco Modigliani 1987 - Robert M. Solow 1990 - Harry Markowitz 1990 - Merton Miller 1992 - Gary Becker 1993 - Robert Fogel 1908 - Paul Erlich 1914 - Robert Barany 1922 - Otto Meyerhof 1930 - Karl Landsteiner 1931 - Otto Warburg 1936 - Otto Loewi 1944 - Joseph Erlanger 1944 - Herb ert Spencer Gasser 1945 - Ernst Boris Chain 1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller 1950 - Tadeus Reichstein 1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman 1953 - Hans Krebs 1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann 1958 - Joshua Lederberg 1959 - Arthur Kornberg 1964 - Konrad Bloch 1965 - Francois Jacob 1965 - Andre Lwoff 1967 - George Wald 1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg 1969 - Salvador Luria 1970 - Julius Axelrod 1970 - Sir Bernard Katz 1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman 1975 - Howard Martin Temin 1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg 1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow 1978 - Daniel Nathans 1980 - Baruj Benacerraf 1984 - Cesar Milstein 1985 - Michael Stuart Brown 1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein 1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini] 1988 - Gertrude Elion 1989 - Harold Varmus 1991 - Erwin Neher 1991 - Bert Sakmann 1993 - Richard J. Roberts 1993 - Phillip Sharp 1994 - Alfred Gilman 1995 - Edward B. Lewis TOTAL: 129 ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE! The Jews are NOT promoting brain washing children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non Muslims! The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants. There is NOT one single Jew that has destroyed a church. There is NOT a single Jew that protests by killing people. The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels. Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems. Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that humankind respects them!! Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel 's part, the following two sentences really say it all:
'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. The Ten Commandments According to ObamaI. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.) SOURCE II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore. SOURCE III. Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain (or in public). Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama. SOURCE IV. Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy. SOURCE V. Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money. SOURCE VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby. SOURCE VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed. SOURCE VIII. Thou shalt not steal, until you've been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives. SOURCE IX. Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian. SOURCE X. Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet. SOURCE Engineers' Conversion TableThis is pretty heavy scientific stuff.....converting units:
I'm TiredI'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired. I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money. I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe , the freedom of the press of China , the crime and violence of Mexico , the tolerance for Christian people of Iran , and the freedom of speech of Venezuela . I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U . S . Senators from Illinois. I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government. I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004. I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America , while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance. I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough. I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I darn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana. I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need. I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear. I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois , where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet. I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing. I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems. Yes, I'm darn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter. Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate. Amazing!I think it is remarkable that within a week of Tiger Woods crashing his escalade, the press found every woman with whom Tiger has had an affair in the last few years, with photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc. And, they not only know the cause of the family fight, but they even know it was a wedge from his golf bag that his wife used to break out the windows in the escalade. Not only that, they know which wedge! And each and ever day, they give America more updates on his sex-rehab stay, his wife’s plans for divorce, and his plans for the pro golf circuit. Obama has been in office for over 18 months now, and this same press still cannot locate Obama's official birth certificate, or any of his papers while in college, or how he paid for a harvard education, or which country issued his visa to travel to pakistan in the 1980's as Barry Soretoro and even Michelle Obama’s princeton thesis on racism. They just can’t be found? Yet the public still trusts that same press to give them the whole truth . . . Truly remarkable! Thomas Jefferson QuotesThe beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it. One loves to possess arms, though they hope never to have occasion for them. None but an armed nation can dispense with a standing army. To keep ours armed and disciplined is therefore at all times important. Never spend your money before you have earned it. Leave no authority existing not responsible to the people. It is our duty still to endeavor to avoid war; but if it shall actually take place, no matter by whom brought on, we must defend ourselves. If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must try to extinguish it. The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government. It is always oppressive. The constitutions of most of our States assert that all power is inherent in the people; that... it is their right and duty to be at all times armed. Every government degenerates when trusted to the rulers of the people alone. The people themselves are its only safe depositories. Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny. I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so, a well-organized and armed militia is their best security. It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself. In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be. I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than those attending too small a degree of it. To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical. When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe. The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world. I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government. No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical. A Bill of Rights is what the people are entitled to against every government, and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference. A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks. Commerce with all nations, alliance with none, should be our motto.
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: Ain't it the truth?If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a person of color is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues. Obama to America -- I Win, You LoseWith his health care holy war, President Obama is sending America at least 10 messages since taking office:
Respecting your Neighbor
RECENT VIRGINIA CHURCH SERVICE-STIMULUS SERMONGood morning, brothers and sisters; it's always a delight to see the pews crowded on Sunday morning, and so eager to get into God's Word. Turn with me in your Bibles, if you will to the 47th chapter of Genesis, we'll begin our reading at verse 13, and go through verse 27. Brother Ray, would you stand and read that great passage for us? ....(reading)... Thank you for that fine reading, Brother Ray... So we see that economic hard times fell upon Egypt , and the people turned to the government of Pharaoh to deal with this for them. And Pharaoh nationalized the grain harvest, and placed the grain in great storehouses that he had built. So the people brought their money to Pharaoh, like a great tax increase, and gave it all to him willingly in return for grain. And this went on until their money ran out, and they were hungry again. So when they went to Pharaoh after that, they brought their livestock -their cattle, their horses, their sheep, and their donkey - to barter for grain, and verse 17 says that only took them through the end of that year.. But the famine wasn't over, was it? So the next year, the people came before Pharaoh and admitted they had nothing left, except their land and their own lives. "There is nothing left in the sight of my lord but our bodies and our land. Why should we die before your eyes, both we and our land? Buy us and our land for food, and we with our land will be servants to Pharaoh.." So they surrendered their homes, their land, and their real estate to Pharaoh's government, and then sold themselves into slavery to him, in return for grain. What can we learn from this, brothers and sisters? That turning to the government instead of to God to be our provider in hard times only leads to slavery? Yes.. That the only reason government wants to be our provider is to also become our master? Yes. But look how that passage ends, brothers and sisters! Thus Israel settled in the land of Egypt , in the land of Goshen .. And they gained possessions in it, and were fruitful and multiplied greatly." God provided for His people, just as He always has! They didn't end up giving all their possessions to government, no, it says they gained possessions! But I also tell you a great truth today, and an ominous one. We see the same thing happening today - the government today wants to "share the wealth "once again, to take it from us and redistribute it back to us. It wants to take control of health care, just as it has taken control of education, and ration it back to us, and when government rations it, then government decides who gets it, and how much, and what kind. And if we go along with it, and do it willingly, then we will wind up no differently than the people of Egypt did four thousand years ago - as slaves to the government, and as slaves to our leaders. What Mr. Obama's government is doing now is no different from what Pharaoh's government did then, and it will end the same. And a lot of people like to call Mr.. Obama a "Messiah," don't they? Is he a Messiah? A savior? Didn't the Egyptians say, after Pharaoh made them his slaves, "You have saved our lives; may it please my lord, we will be servants to Pharaoh"? Well, I tell you this - I know the Messiah; the Messiah is a friend of mine; and Mr. Obama is no Messiah! No, brothers and sisters, if Mr. Obama is a character from the Bible, then he is Pharaoh. Bow with me in prayer, if you will. Lord, You alone are worthy to be served, and we rely on You, and You alone. We confess that the government is not our deliverer, and never rightly will be. We read in the eighth chapter of 1 Samuel, when Samuel warned the people of what a ruler would do, where it says "And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day." And Lord, we acknowledge that day has come. We cry out to you because of the ruler that we have chosen for ourselves as a nation. Lord, we pray for this nation.. We pray for revival, and we pray for deliverance from those who would be our masters. Give us hearts to seek You and hands to serve You, and protect Your people from the atrocities of Pharaoh's government. In God We Trust... And now for something completely different...On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?' For a moment there is silence.. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a cowboy from Montana stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time........No one moves................... He removes his shirt................. Muscles ripple across his chest........... She gasps.................... He whispers................. 'Iron this...then get me a beer. To the AARPThis was sent to Mr. Rand who is the Executive Director of AARP. Dear Mr. Rand, Recently you sent us a letter encouraging us to renew our lapsed membership in AARP by the requested date. I know it is not what you were looking for, but this is the most honest response I can give you. Our gap in coverage is merely a microscopic symptom of the real problem, a deepening lack of faith. While we have proudly maintained our membership for several years and have long admired the AARP goals and principles, regrettably, we can no longer endorse it's abdication of our values. Your letter specifically stated that we can count on AARP to speak up for our rights, yet the voice we hear is not ours. Your offer of being kept up to date on important issues through DIVIDED WE FAIL presents neither an impartial view nor the one we have come to embrace. We do believe that when two parties agree all the time on everything presented to them, one is probably not necessary. But, when the opinions and long term goals are diametrically opposed, the divorce is imminent. This is the philosophy which spawned our 200 years of government. Once upon a time, we looked forward to being part of the senior demographic. We also looked to AARP to provide certain benefits and give our voice a power we could not possibly hope to achieve on our own. AARP gave us a sense of belonging which we no longer enjoy. The Socialist politics practiced by the Obama administration and empowered by AARP serves only to raise the blood pressure my medical insurance strives to contain. Clearly a conflict of interest there! We do not understand the AARP posture, feel greatly betrayed by the guiding forces that we expected to map out our senior years and leave your ranks with a great sense of regret. We mitigate that disappointment with the relief of knowing that we are not contributing to the problem anymore by renewing our membership. There are numerous other organizations which offer discounts without threatening our way of life or offending our sensibilities. This Presidential Administration scares the living daylights out of us. Not just for ourselves, but for our proud and bloodstained heritage. But even more importantly for our children and grandchildren. Washington has rendered Soylent Green a prophetic cautionary tale rather than a nonfiction scare tactic. I have never in my life endorsed any militant or radical groups, yet now I find myself listening to them. I don't have to agree with them to appreciate the fear which birthed their existence. Their borderline insanity presents little more than a balance to the voice of the Socialist mindset in power. Perhaps I became American by a great stroke of luck in some cosmic uterine lottery, but in my adulthood I CHOOSE to embrace it and nurture the freedoms it represents as well as the responsibilities it requires. Your web site generously offers us the opportunity to receive all communication in Spanish. ARE YOU KIDDING??? Someone has broken into our 'house', invaded our home without our invitation or consent. The President has insisted we keep the perpetrator in comfort and learn the perp language so we can communicate our reluctant welcome to them. I DON'T choose to welcome them. I DON'T choose to support them. I DON'T choose to educate them. I DON'T choose to medicate them, pay for their food or clothing. American home invaders get arrested. Please explain to me why foreign lawbreakers can enjoy privileges on American soil that Americans do not get? Why do some immigrants have to play the game to be welcomed and others only have to break & enter to be welcomed? We travel for a living. Walt hauls horses all over this great country, averaging over 10,000 miles a month when he is out there. He meets more people than a politician on caffeine overdose. Of all the many good folks he enjoyed on this last 10,000 miles, this trip yielded only ONE supporter of the current administration. One of us is out of touch with mainstream America . Since our poll is conducted without funding, I have more faith in it than one which is power driven. We have decided to forward this to everyone on our mailing list, and will encourage them to do the same. With several hundred in my address book, I have every faith that the eventual exponential factor will make a credible statement to you. I am disappointed as hell. I am scared as hell. I am MAD as hell, and I'm NOT gonna take it anymore!
Walt & Cyndy Dear Dogs and Cats:The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
Bumper Stickers Seen On Military Bases
Flying on Obama's private plane.Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.. Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.. Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.' If you're one of those 56 million, pass this on. Congressional Reform Act of 2010
The "Cash for Clunkers" Program
QUESTION:
ANSWER: But do you want to know what's really sad, according to Edmunds, each car purchased under Obama's Cash for Clunkers program cost the American taxpayer, $24,000! That's no joke, but a fact. Three men...Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie. The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ' POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming. Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.' The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out, it's virtually impenetrable.' The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says, 'Fill it with water.' It's all in the SignJose and Carlos are both beggars. They beg in different areas of Austin , Texas . Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose, but only collects about eight or nine dollars a day. Every day, Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has lots of cash to spend. "Hey, amigo," Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?" Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?" Carlos' sign reads:
I have no work, "What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him. "No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars a day!" Carlos says, "Alright, so what does your sign say?" Jose's sign reads:
I only need ten dollars AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS ADTo the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the blackBurberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, P.S. Remember this motto... An armed society makes for a more civil society! BLIND COWBOYAn old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." Yes, I know Muslims won't be in heaven, still...Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!" James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson was next, beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled "It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence." The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader. As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Al- Zarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me." The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?" Shooting adviceWords Of WisdomClint Smith, Director of Thunder Ranch, is part drill instructor, and part standup comic (Thunder Ranch is a firearms training facility in Arizona ). Here are a few of his observation on tactics, firearms, self defense and life as we know it in the civilized world. "The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win and cheat if necessary." "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way.." "Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it's going to be empty." "If you're not shootin', you should be loadin'. If you're not loadin', you should be movin', if you're not movin', someone's gonna cut your head off and put it on a stick." "When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket.. If you light yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy... and you're gonna be one of 'em pretty soon." "Do something. It may be wrong, but do something." "Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available." "If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for." "Don't shoot fast, unless you also shoot good.." "You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work, but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language." "You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it." "You cannot save the planet but you may be able to save yourself and your family." "Thunder Ranch will be here as long as you'll have us or until someone makes us go away, and either way, it will be exciting.." More Excellent Gun Wisdom....... The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.
'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose both. If you support the 2nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, please forward. FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
An ObituaryAn Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true. Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. Impeach PelosiFrom the L. A. Times
(All 10 of the above facts were published in the Los Angeles Times) Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare. Over 70% of the United States' annual population growth (and over 90% of California, Florida, and New York) results from immigration. 29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens. We are fools for letting this continue. HOW CAN YOU HELP ? Send copies of this to at least two other people. 100 would be even better. This is only one State............... If this doesn't open your eyes, nothing will, and you wonder why Nancy Pelosi wants them to become voters!
The difference between Obama and a real leaderAt a time when our president (Obama) and other politicians tend to apologize for our country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country.
Security LevelsThe English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies 'just in case'. Canada doesn't have any alert levels. And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us". Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be al'right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. Ever wonder...And you wonder why we think Rosis O'Donnel is a bitch. Read this. Three vampires..Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?" A few one-liners"My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family." Emo Phillips "Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged"....President Abraham Lincoln 911...when seconds count, the cops are only minutes away. Some people are like Slinkies — not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. The difference between a Socialist and a Communist is that the Socialist doesn't have all the guns yet. An armed society is a polite society. If you know how many guns you have, you don't have enough guns. However, just because you don't know how many guns you have, doesn't mean you don't need another one. To say guns kill people is to say automobiles drive drunk and matches commit arson. Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat. (Why this simple logic escapes liberals is beyond me.) Favorite Steven Wright - I was crossing the border and the guard asked me if I had any guns. I said "what do you need?" Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl...Sitting together on a train was Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand-print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
The blonde girl thinks:
Obama thinks:
George Bush thinks: A blonde jokeDuring a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. Revised Listing Of The World's Shortest Books
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
TO ALL THE MEN WE'VE LOVED BEFORE... THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLER(S)
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy! DIVORCE AGREEMENT 2009Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and Nancy Pelosi with you. A man enters a bar...A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, and nano-technology. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, Indy 500, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, and guns. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot says... real slowly.... "So, ya gonna vote for Obama again?" WHY ARE WE BANKRUPT?You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this: Boy was I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be RIDICULOUS. I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I also have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.
The total cost is a whopping $ 338.3 Billion dollars a year and if you're like me having trouble understanding this amount of money; it is $338,300,000,000.00 which would be enough to stimulate the economy for the citizens of this country. Are we THAT stupid? Yes, for letting those in the U.S. Congress get away with letting this happen year after year! If this doesn't bother you then just delete the message. If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the country including every elected representative in Washington, D.C. - Five times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof. From the L. A. Times
(All 10 of the above are from the Los Angeles Times) Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare. Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration. 29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens. We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue HOW CAN YOU HELP ? Send copies of this to people you know. This is only one State...............If this doesn't open your eyes nothing will ! And you wonder why Nancy Pelosi wants them to become voters ONLY IN AMERICA - 2009 VERSION
Two Related StoriesTwo Stories BOTH TRUE - and worth reading!!!! STORY NUMBER ONE: Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed 'Easy Eddie.' He was Capone's lawyer for a reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago city block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example. One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al 'Scarface' Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against "The Mob", and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine. The poem read: 'The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.' STORY NUMBER TWO: World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until al his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the events surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942 , and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of WW II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congression Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2. SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER? Butch O'Hare was 'Easy Eddie's' son. Billy Graham's Prayer For Our CountryThis man sure has a good view of what's happening to our country! 'Heavenly Father', we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!' Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,' and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called 'One nation under God.' Little Johnny meets Barack ObamaBarack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.' One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.' 'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.' A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy. I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.' The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.' 'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?' 'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.' A Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days." The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side." "I'm Tired" by Robert A. HallI'll be 63 soon. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce, and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18 Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired. I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth around" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it. I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money. I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros, and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela. Won't multiculturalism be beautiful? I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. I believe "a man should be judged by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin." I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of US Senators from Illinois. I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the emancipation proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government. I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful. That thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress, that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his, that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004. I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue, or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance. I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough. I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana. I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military... Those are the citizens we need. I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under Life and death circumstances and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years-and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear. I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers-bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet as well. I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers, and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems. Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter. Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate. From a California school teacher"As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things that you should be aware of: I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socioeconomic and income levels. Most of the schools you are hearing about, South Gate High, Bell Gardens , Huntington Park , etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools. Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. ( OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK ) I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones. The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America .. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas" whores and throwing things that the teachers were in tears. Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc, etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements ? To those who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the TRUE costs .. Higher insurance, medical facilities closing , higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc .For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes. We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it. Does anyone In their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return? It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education , that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses To assimilate , and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about " politically correctness " that we don't have the will to do anything about it. If this makes your blood boil , as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know. CHEAP LABOR? Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about?
The American taxpayers also pay for increased crime, graffiti and trash clean-up. Cheap labor? YEAH RIGHT! Wake up people! Best Answer ever to a Stupid QuestionKatie Couric, while interviewing a Marine sniper, asked: "What do you feel... when you shoot a Terrorist?" The Marine shrugged and replied, "A slight recoil." Drinking with a Redneck GirlA Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.' The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.' The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In America we have so many illegal aliens we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.' ObamaLast Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir." Jay Leno"President Obama got some good news today. It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finderÃs fee from the IRS." "The economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, even people who donÃt like Barack Obama arenÃt paying their taxes." "President Obama today came out against human cloning, but I think he might be a little hasty here because there should be exceptions. For example, letÃs say Obama can find a nominee who has paid his taxes. Clone that guy." GrandpaMy old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take a whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves. Who Own's Target StoresWasn't it last Christmas that Target refused to let the Salvation Army ring their bells in front of their stores? Dick Forrey of the Vietnam Veterans Association wrote. 'Recently we asked the local TARGET store to be a proud sponsor of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall during our spring recognition event. We received the following reply from the local TARGET management: ' Veterans do not meet our area of giving. We only donate to the arts, social action groups, gay & lesbian causes, and education.' So I'm thinking, if the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall and veterans in general, do not meet their donation criteria, then something is really wrong at this TARGET store. We were not asking for thousands of dollars, not even hundreds, just a small sponsorship for a memorial remembrance. As a follow-up, I E-mailed the TARGET U.S. Corporate Headquarters and their response was the same. That's their national policy. Then I looked into the company further. They will not allow the Marines to collect for 'Toys for Tots' at any of their stores. And during the recent Iraq deployment, they would not allow families of employees who were called up for active duty to continue their insurance coverage while they were on military service. Then as I dig further, TARGET is a French-owned corporation. Now, I'm thinking again. If TARGET cannot support American Veterans, then why s hould my family and I support their stores by spending our hard earned American dollars! And, have their profits sent to France . Wi thout the American Vets, where would France be today? 'They, most likely would be speaking German and trading in Deutsch Marks'
Sincerely, "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." - Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 - 2005 CNN 2min video should be mandatory viewing for every US citizenWatch (4MB WMV file) 
THE LAW IS THE LAW!So 'if' the US government determines that it is against the law for the words 'under God' to be on our money, then, so be it. And 'if' that same government decides that the 'Ten Commandments' are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it. I say, 'so be it' ,because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen. I say, 'so be it' ,because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions. I would like to think that those people have the American public's best interests at heart. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE? Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot post His Commandments in Government buildings, I don't believe the Government and its employees should participate in the Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life. I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter. After all, it's just another day. I'd like the ' US S supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays.' After all, it's just another day. I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the 'Christmas Break.' After all, it's just another day. I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter. It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be 'politically correct.' In fact.... I think that our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God...)because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day.... What do you all think???? If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the 'minority opinions' and begin, once again, to represent the 'majority' of ALL of the American people. SO BE IT.......... . Please Dear Lord, Give us the help needed to keep you in our country! SHALL WE HIRE A MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TO ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY AND ADD THE MISSING WORDS?A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER: Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington , DC . I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd.. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war,' with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there. On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor: Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked. One elderly woman read the words aloud: 'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.' But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote.. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with 'so help us God.' Her husband said, 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now .' 'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away. Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, Well, it has been over 50 years she's probably forgotten.' But she had not forgotten. She was right. I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima . I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific. But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.' The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war.! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt 's words are engraved on their hearts. Now I ask: 'WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY? People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, since the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be! 
NEW from DeWaltTHE 16-D RAPIDFIRE
A new Nail Gun, made by DeWalt, has just been introduced. It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards. This makes construction a breeze. You can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence. Just get your wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold beer and when she has the board in the right place, just fire away. With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading. After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you to build or fix anything again. Is It NBA Or NFL?36 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses (with more businesses being added to the list daily) 3 have done time for assault 71 get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year Can you guess which organization this is? Neither, it's the 435 members of the United States Congress The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line. White Cell PhoneNokia has finally designed a cell phone for white people who need to make a cell phone call while in East Saint Louis, Memphis, South Chicago, South Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, L.A., Miami, Detroit, New Orleans, Louisville West End, Philadelphia, New Jersey, or Atlanta . 
Misc. quotes
The Zen of SarcasmDo not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Never miss a good chance to shut up. AND Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night A cup of CoffeeThe man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. 'Leave me alone,' he growled. To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. 'Are you hungry?' she asked. 'No,' he answered sarcastically. 'I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away.' The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. 'What are you doing, lady?' the man asked angrily. 'I said to leave me alone. Just then a policeman came up. 'Is there any problem, ma'am?' he asked. 'No problem here, officer,' the woman answered. 'I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?' The officer scratched his head. 'That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?' 'See that cafeteria over there?' she asked. 'I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.' 'Are you crazy, lady?' the homeless man resisted. 'I don't want to go in there!' Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. 'Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.' 'This is a good deal for you, Jack,' the officer answered. 'Don't blow it' Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had no t yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. 'What's going on here, officer?' he asked. 'What is all this. Is this man in trouble?' 'This lady brought this man in here to be fed,' the policeman answered. 'Not in here!' the manager replied angrily. 'Having a person like that here is bad for business.' Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. 'See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here In the first place.' The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. 'Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?' 'Of course I am,' the manager answered impatiently. 'They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms.' 'And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?' 'What business is that of yours?' 'I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company.' 'Oh.' The woman smiled again. 'I thought that might make a difference.' She glanced at the cop who was busy stifli ng a giggle. 'Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?' 'No thanks, ma'am,' the officer replied. 'I'm on duty.' 'Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?' 'Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice.' The cafeteria manager turned on his heel 'I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer.' The officer watched him walk away. 'You certainly put him in his place,' he said. 'That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this.' She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest She stared at him intently. 'Jack, do you remember me?' Old Jack searched her face with his old , rheumy eyes 'I think so -- I mean you do look familiar.' 'I'm a little older perhaps,' she said. 'Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry.' 'Ma'am?' the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry. 'I was just out of college,' the woman began. 'I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat.' Jack lit up with a smile. 'Now I remember,' he said. 'I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy.' 'I know,' the woman continued. 'Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register. I knew then that everything would be all right.' 'So you started your own business?' Old Jack said. 'I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business, that, with the help of God, prospered.' She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. 'When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office.' She smiled. 'I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you.' There were tears in the old man's eyes. 'How can I ever thank you? ' he said. 'Don't thank me,' the woman answered. 'To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus He led me to you.' Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. 'Thank you for all your help, officer,' she said. 'On the contrary, Ms. Eddy,' he answered. 'Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee.' POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF GRADY JUDDSome 'dirtbag' in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times. Now here's the kicker: Naturally , the media asked why they shot him 68 times. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel : 'That's all the bullets we had !!' Justice Served. Bullets are much cheaper than 40 years of meals, cable and civil rights NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION(The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Aye from GA.) "We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden delusionals. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
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ARTICLE XI 1947Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me. No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens! Now You Know........ the rest of the story. Dear IRS,I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can't recall but I have run out of space and money. When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Democrat Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest. P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check. More Quotes"Congressmen (and Senators?) who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged!" - President Abraham Lincoln, during the Civil War "A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury. From that time on the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the results that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average age of the world's great civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: from bondage to spiritual faith from spiritual faith to great courage from courage to liberty from liberty to abundance from abundance to selfishness from selfishness to complacency from complacency to apathy from apathy to dependency from dependency back to bondage." - Alexander Fraser Tytler (1742-1813) "All of us need to be reminded that the federal government did not create the states; the states created the federal government!" - Ronald Reagan "Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself! They are the American people's Liberty Teeth and keystone under Independence. From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurances, and tendencies PROVE that to insure peace, security, and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indespensable. The very atmosphere of firearms EVERYWHERE restrains evil interference -- they deserve a place of HONOR with all that's good!" - President Geo. Washington, in a speech to Congress. 7 January, 1790 "The right of citizens to bear arms is just one guarantee against arbitrary government, one more safeguard against the tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which has proven to be always possible." - Senator Hubert H. Humphrey "Every good communist should know that political power grows out of the barrel of a gun, the Communist Party must control the guns." - Mao Tse Tung "(W)hen the resolution of enslaving America was formed in Great Britain, the British Parliament was advised by an artful man, who was Governor of Pennsylvania, to disarm the people; that it was the best and most effectual way to enslave them; but that they should do it not openly, but weaken them, and let them sink gradually."..........I ask, who are the Militia? They consist now of the WHOLE people, except a few public officers." - George Mason, Virginia's U.S. Constitution ratification convention, 1788 "Only an armed people can be the real bulwark of popular liberty." - Vladimir I. Lenin, first leader of the Soviet Union "A system of licensing and registration is the perfect device to deny gun ownership to the bourgeoisie." - Vladimir I. Lenin, first leader of the Soviet Union "A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud "For the bureaucrat, the world is a mere object to be manipulated by him." - Karl Marx "Only a coward supports gun control, you know how to stop car jacking? Shoot the carjacker. If someone is going to kill me for my Buick, I'm gonna shoot until I'm out of ammo, and then I'll call 911." - Ted Nugent, People Magazine, 1994 "You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass." - Japanese Admiral Yamamoto, 1941 "The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed unless they try to take it." - Thomas Jefferson "Gun Bans don't disarm criminals, gun bans ATTRACT them." - Walter Mondale (a Democrat!) "They that can give up ESSENTIAL Liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve NEITHER liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin "Americans (have) the right and advantage of being armed, unlike citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." - James Madison "The strongest reason for the PEOPLE to RETAIN the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against TYRANNY in Government!" - Thos. Jefferson "No FREE man shall EVER be barred the use of arms" - Thos. Jefferson, Proposal Virginia Constitution, T. Jefferson Papers, 334 "The GREAT object is that EVERY man be armed. Everyone who is able might have a gun!" - Patrick Henry, 3 Elliot, Debates at 386 "A Militia, when PROPERLY formed, are in fact the PEOPLE themselves, and include ALL men capable of bearing arms." - Richard Henry Lee, Additional Letters from the Federal Farmer (1788) at 169 "What, Sir, is the USE of a Militia? It is to PREVENT the establishment of a standing army, the BANE of Liberty!" - Rep. Elbridge Gerry of Massachusetts, 1 Annals of Congress at 750 (17 Aug., 1789) "Arms in the hands of citizens (may) be used at individual discretion......in private self defense......" - John Adams; A Defense of the Constitution of the Government of the U.S.A. 471 (1788) ".......the PEOPLE have a RIGHT to keep and bear arms." - Patrick Henry, Elliot, Debates at 185 "Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of it's arms as the blackest." - Mahatma Ghandi, 1927 "An 'appeaser' is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last." - Winston Churchill A few more FACTS about why gun control is good for everyone. And the United Nations wants this for us.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana, Spanish Philosopher (1863-1952) "Germans who wish to use guns should join the S.S., or the S.A. (Army), ordinary citizens don't need guns, as their having guns doesn't serve the state." - Heinrich Himmler "The most FOOLISH mistake we could possibly make would be to allow the subjected people to carry arms; history shows that all conquerors who have allowed their subjected people to carry arms have prepared their own fall." - Adolph Hitler, edict of 18 March, 1938 "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright FORCE. Whenever you give up that force, you are ruined." - Patrick Henry "The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were ALL the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some will not, others dare not lay them aside. Horrible mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them.............the weak will become prey to the strong." - Thomas Paine NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden delusionals. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
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ARTICLE XI Quotes from Ronald ReaganHere's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so. Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong. I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program. It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book. No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under. The Atheist and the BearAn atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007Scenario:Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack 's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario:Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario:Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario:Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario:Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario:Pedro fails high school English.1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario:Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.1957 - Ants die. 2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario:Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy Mathematics And Others
SHOPPING MATH
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
HAPPINESS
LONGEVITY
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE Airplane JokesAfter every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (P = the problem logged by the pilot.) (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
P: IFF inoperative.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
P: Target radar hums.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. St. PetersA man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. " On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. "So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll answer to me!" St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?" "Just a couple of minutes ago" Dog Stuff
The Reason A Dog Has So Many Friends Is That He Wags His Tail Instead Of
His Tongue.
Don't Accept Your Dog's Admiration As Conclusive Evidence That You Are
Wonderful.
If There Are No Dogs In Heaven, Then When I Die I Want To Go Where They
Went.
There Is No Psychiatrist In The World Like A Puppy Licking Your Face.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.
The Average Dog Is A Nicer Person Than The Average Person.
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever
made.
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who
are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
I Wonder If Other Dogs Think Poodles Are Members Of A Weird Religious
Cult.
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down.
Anybody Who Doesn\'T Know What Soap Tastes Like Never Washed A Dog.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
My Dog Is Worried About The Economy Because Alpo Is Up To $3.00 A Can.
That'S Almost $21.00 In Dog Money.
Ever Consider What Our Dogs Must Think Of Us? I Mean, Here We Come Back
From A Grocery Store With The Most Amazing Haul -- Chicken, Pork, Half A
Cow. They Must Think We\'Re The Greatest Hunters On Earth!
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea.
If You Pick Up A Starving Dog And Make Him Prosperous, He Will Not Bite
You; That Is The Principal Difference Between A Dog And A Man.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
Dogs Are Not Our Whole Life, But They Make Our Lives Whole.
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then give him only two of them. BubbaBubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yep," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba? Blonde Cookbook!MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose. SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. MAINE is the only state whose name is just one syllable. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Fall s froze completely solid. The words racecar, kayak, level are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. Now, you know everything COLD WINTER AHEAD!It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy." Theodore Roosevelt said the following about immigrants and being an American. I guess this line of thought is now "politically incorrect" among self-loathing, bleeding hearts, because it might lose you the terrorist's vote. "In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." Theodore Roosevelt 1907 A MEMORY OF ROSEThe first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends.. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At! the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. "Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there." Are you a Democrat, Republican or ....a Southern Republican?Here is a little test that will help you decide. Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! ! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus. Republican's Answer: ....BANG! Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?" Bill GatesBill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it. Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Types of peopleThere are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. HISTORY TESTPlease pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual events from history. Do you remember?
And guess who just bombed London!! Now, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest we be guilty of profiling. Send this to as many people as you can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices and your reps in Washington that want to thwart common sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves . As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does." CIA TestThe CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!” The man said, “You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you're not the right man for this job.” The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, “You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.” Welcome to AmericaA Pakistani arrives in Houston, Texas. All excited, he stops the first person he meets. “Good day, Mr. American, thank you to accept me in your nice country, and...” The person interrupts and says: “I am not American, I'm Puerto Rican.” The Pakistani continues on his way and meets another passer-by: “Thank you Mr. American for to let my family and me stay here...” Again, he is interrupted before finishing his sentence: “American, no ! Mexican National. See, still wet.......” The Pakistani continues on his way and meets another passer-by: “Mr. American, me thank you for hospitality you give...” “But my friend, don't you see that I am black? I am African, not American” “But,” answers the Pakistani distressed, “where are the Americans?” The African looks at his watch and says: “Oh, they're all at work.” Abbott and Costello UpgradedYou have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too Old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what?ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One. COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them? ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue "1". COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue "1". COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later) ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on start This is the exciting, Brand New 2005 Edition of “You know you're a redneck when.......”
Other Stuff
BLONDE JOKESTwo blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other: “Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?” The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????” Car TroubleA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What's the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?” Speeding TicketA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!” River WalkThere's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.” KnittingA highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!” Blonde On The SunA Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Blonde said, “So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, “We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!” “Tolerance means everyone has the right to their opion, NOT that everyone's opinion is right.” “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. But give a man a boat, a case of beer, and a few sticks of dynamite...” Woman's Perfect BreakfastShe's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. Marriage SeminarWhile attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, “It's Pillsbury, isn't it?” The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here. Wife Vs. HusbandA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.” CreationA man said to his wife one day, “I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!” Why terrorists commit suicideEveryone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed. Three friends from the local congregation were asked “When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? “ Artie said: “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.” Eugene commented: “I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.” Don said: “I'd like them to say, “Look, he's moving!” Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.” Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.” Smith asks,” Can I have a penny?”The Lord replies, “In a minute”. A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?” ”Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?” John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Give me one last request, dear,” he said. ”Of course, John, “ his wife said softly. ”Six months after I die,” he said, “I want you to marry Bob” ”But I thought you hated Bob,” she said. With his last breath John said, “I do!” A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What's wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?” The Rabbi Then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see whatI can find out and I'll let you know.” A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?” The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.” THE LEOPARD,THE POODLE, AND THE MONKEYA wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The poodle thinks, “Uh-oh, I'm in deep trouble now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy,that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew,”" says the leopard. “That was close. That poodle nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine.” Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and, just when they get close enough to hear, the poodle says..................... “Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!” MORAL: SOMETIMES BULLSHIT AND BRILLIANCE ARE THE SAME. How Old Is Grandma?One evening, a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The Grandma replied, “Well, let me think a minute, I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers. Clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had yet to walk on the moon. Your Grandfather and I got married first and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, “Sir”- - and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir”.” We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, day-care centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends - not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald s, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5&10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad because, gas was 11 cents a gallon . In my day, “grass” was mowed, “coke” was a cold drink, “pot” was something your mother cooked in, and “rock music” was your grandmother's lullaby. “Aids” were helpers in the Principal's office, “chip” meant a piece of wood, “hardware” was found in a hardware store and “software” wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to ha! ve a baby No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap. And how old do you think grandma is? Grandma is 58 (born 1946). How could so much go wrong in such a short time? YA GOTTA LUV THE IRISHAn Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years.Upon her return, her father cussed her; “Where haveyou been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through?” “The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff...Dad... I became a prostitute...” “WHAT!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!” “OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account certificate for $5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club... (takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and....” “Now what was it you said you had become?” Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad!... Sniff, sniff” “Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said “a Protestant.” Come here and give your old man a hug!” HOW DID YOU BREAK YOUR ARM?Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper: A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the “Tell me when we're having fun” kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, “The white will provide more than adequate camouflage.” So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital. While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. “So, how'd you break your leg?” she asked, making small talk. “It was the stupidest thing you ever saw,” he said. “I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift.” “So, how'd you break your arm?” The Blind PilotsThe entrance opens, two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die.!”
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
OLD IS WHEN:
THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND:
You might be a redneck if. . .
Sad, isn't it? ABOUT FRANCE“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” --- Mark Twain “I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” --- General George S. Patton “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.” --- Norman Schwartzkopf “We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” --- Marge Simpson “As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure” --- Jacques Chirac, President of France “As far as France is concerned, you're right.” --- Rush Limbaugh “The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.” --- Regis Philbin
An old saying: “You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.” --- John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona “You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” --- Conan O'Brien “I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!” --- Jay Leno “The last time the French asked for 'more proof', it came marching into Paris under a German flag.” --- David Letterman Hollywood SquaresIf you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title. In a random check for banned substances, 3 were found in Armstrong's hotel room. The 3 substances banned by the French that were found in his hotel room were as follows:
The French officials then submitted Armstrong to an invasive physical and found several other foreign items which they had never seen before including testicles and a backbone . . . . John F. Kerry speaks:“The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.”- John F. Kerry “If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.”- John F. Kerry “One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.”- John F. Kerry “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”- John F. Kerry “The future will be better tomorrow.”- John F. Kerry “We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.”- John F. Kerry “I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.”- John F. Kerry “We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”- John F. Kerry “Public speaking is very easy.”- John F. Kerry “A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”- John F. Kerry “We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”- John F. Kerry “For NASA, space is still a high priority.”- John F. Kerry “Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”- John F. Kerry “It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”- John F. Kerry “Its time for the human race to enter the solar system.”- John F. Kerry The Guy's RulesAt last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
A Refreshing Bit of Humor in Political WarsOnce upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice-fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things. The candidate that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in North Dakota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, George W. returns to the starting line and he has 10 fish. Soon, John Kerry returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day George W. comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in again with none. That evening, Al Gore gets together secretly with Kerry and says, “John, I think George W. is a lowlife, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.” The next night (after George W. comes back with 50 fish), Gore says to Kerry, “Well, what about it, is George W. cheatin'?” “He sure is, Al, he's cutting holes in the ice.” Brain CrampsQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” --Mariah Carey “Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,” --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. “I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,” --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.“I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,” --A congressional candidate in Texas. “Half this game is ninety percent mental.” --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark “It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” --Al Gore, Vice President “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” --Dan Quayle “It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another” --George Bush, US President “We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” --Lee Iacocca “I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.” --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. “The word “genius” isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst. “We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. “If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.” --Bill Clinton, President “We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” --Al Gore, VP “Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.” --Keppel Enderbery “Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina “If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.” --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman An Engineer StoryA woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet her an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.” The man below replied, “You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.” “You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist. I am,” replied the man, “How did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.” The man below responded, “You must be in Management.” I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” said the man, “you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.” The Year's Best [actual] Headlines of 2002...Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks ArmsIs There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A while Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Hillary & the Late Nite Guys“Hillary's got this huge book, it's a memoir of her life and times at the White House. In the book shesays when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breath, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said.” - David Letterman “Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date.” - Jay Leno “Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs comes out next week. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you'll want to sleep with an intern.” - Craig Kilborn “In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts.” - Jay Leno “Hillary Clinton has finished her memoirs for publication next year, while Bill has barely finished the first chapter. Well, in all fairness, Fiction is a lot harder to write.” - Jay Leno “Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.” - David Letterman “Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same.” - Jay Leno “Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.” - Late, Late Show host Craig Kilborn “Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments.” - David Letterman “CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.” - Jay Leno Pithy sayings
Quotes
I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them.
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
I said I didn't have much use for them, I never said I didn't know how to use them. MiscellaneousHere are some things I've found. I'm not taking credit for them but at the same time I won't attribute them to someone else since I'm not sure who they belong to.
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